Okay, reading the Dhammapada kept reminding me of passages from "If...". It's such a beautiful poem. Powerful. It's well-written, lovely. And meaningful. I think it's a great set of ideals to try to live by. I always kind of held it up as my standard. No wonder Buddhism holds so much appeal for me. I've already encountered a lot of the same ideas in this wonderful poem! Anyway, all the frequent reminders and parallels made me want to write out the poem in full. Just because I love it so much! So, here it is:
If...
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
Yet make allowances for their doubting too.
If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating.
And yet, don't look too good nor talk too wise.
If you can dream and not make dreams your master.
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim.
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or see the things you gave your life to broken
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools.
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after you are gone,
And so hold on when there's nothing in you
Except the will which says to them, "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch.
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you.
If all men count with you, but none too much.
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the world and all that's in it
And, which-is-more, you'll be a man, my son.
-
Is that not one of the most beautiful poems you've ever heard in your life? Absolutely wonderful!
Also, I'd like to apologize for any errors. I'm pretty sure I've got all the words right, but some of the punctuation or line breaks might be off. I memorized this poem years ago. I know the words, not how it looks on the page. Anyway, you can still appreciate the poem, regardless of where the line breaks are. You still understand the meaning, the intent... the beauty.
Alright, well, I just needed to get that out of my system. I'll probably go back to reading and quoting the Dhammapada after this. But I just needed to get that out there.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Dhammapada: Joy
A lot of parallels with "If..." here. It's kinda cool.
Dhammapada: "Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate."
If: "If you can wait and not be tired of waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating,"
Dhammapada: "Live in joy, in peace, even among the troubled"
If: "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you."
Dhammapada: "Live in joy, without possessions, like the shining ones.
The winter sows hatred because the loser suffers. Let go of winning and losing and find joy."
If: "If you can make one heap of all your winnings, and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss."
"There is no fire like passion, no crime like hatred, no sorrow like separation, no sickness like hunger, and no joy like the joy of freedom."
No parallel to draw here. I just like this passage.
Dhammapada: "Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate."
If: "If you can wait and not be tired of waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating,"
Dhammapada: "Live in joy, in peace, even among the troubled"
If: "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you."
Dhammapada: "Live in joy, without possessions, like the shining ones.
The winter sows hatred because the loser suffers. Let go of winning and losing and find joy."
If: "If you can make one heap of all your winnings, and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss."
"There is no fire like passion, no crime like hatred, no sorrow like separation, no sickness like hunger, and no joy like the joy of freedom."
No parallel to draw here. I just like this passage.
Dhammapada: The Man Who Is Awake
"Hard it is to be born, hard it is to live, harder still to hear of the way, and hard to rise, follow and awake."
I just like how this verse feels. I like the repetition in it. And it's true too! It's all well and good to have these ideals, but it's damn hard to stick to them all the time. It's one thing to strive for it, another entirely to actually attain it.
"Yet the teaching is simple. Do what is right. Be pure. At the end of the way is freedom. Till then, patience."
Be good. Such a simple thing. Sometimes easier said than done.
And patience! I have such trouble with that sometimes. I want instant gratification. I don't like waiting. I don't do well with patience.
"Offend with neither word nor deed. Eat with moderation."
I need to work on both of these.
I just like how this verse feels. I like the repetition in it. And it's true too! It's all well and good to have these ideals, but it's damn hard to stick to them all the time. It's one thing to strive for it, another entirely to actually attain it.
"Yet the teaching is simple. Do what is right. Be pure. At the end of the way is freedom. Till then, patience."
Be good. Such a simple thing. Sometimes easier said than done.
And patience! I have such trouble with that sometimes. I want instant gratification. I don't like waiting. I don't do well with patience.
"Offend with neither word nor deed. Eat with moderation."
I need to work on both of these.
Dhammapada: Yourself
"You are the source off all purity and impurity.
No one purifies another.
Never neglect your work for another's, however great his need."
Don't blame others for your short-comings and don't expect them to fix you. They might give you advice, try to help you, but you have to act on it. You have to be the one to make the change.
By the same token, you can't 'fix' someone else. You can offer aid, but they need to save themselves.
If you always put yourself last, you will never improve, you will gradually wear away. Then, how can you help? Look to yourself first, then you will ensure that you will be present and able to help others.
No one purifies another.
Never neglect your work for another's, however great his need."
Don't blame others for your short-comings and don't expect them to fix you. They might give you advice, try to help you, but you have to act on it. You have to be the one to make the change.
By the same token, you can't 'fix' someone else. You can offer aid, but they need to save themselves.
If you always put yourself last, you will never improve, you will gradually wear away. Then, how can you help? Look to yourself first, then you will ensure that you will be present and able to help others.
Dhammapada: Violence
"See yourself in others. Then whom can you hurt? What harm can you do?"
The Golden Rule... Buddhist style.
"Never speak harsh words for they will rebound upon you. Angry words hurt and the hurt rebounds."
I need to practice more of this. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me and I say things that I probably shouldn't. I need to learn to be less critical, less hurtful. I need to be more calm and more reserved. I get caught up in the moment, excited, and I slip. I will have to work on this.
The Golden Rule... Buddhist style.
"Never speak harsh words for they will rebound upon you. Angry words hurt and the hurt rebounds."
I need to practice more of this. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me and I say things that I probably shouldn't. I need to learn to be less critical, less hurtful. I need to be more calm and more reserved. I get caught up in the moment, excited, and I slip. I will have to work on this.
Dhammapada: The Thousands
"Better than a hundred years of mischief is one day spent in contemplation.
Better than a hundred years of ignorance is one day spent in reflection.
Better than a hundred years of idleness is one day spent in determination."
Basically... use your time wisely.
Better than a hundred years of ignorance is one day spent in reflection.
Better than a hundred years of idleness is one day spent in determination."
Basically... use your time wisely.
Dhammapada: The Wise Man
"The wind cannot shake a mountain. Neither praise nor blame moves the wise man."
Be true to yourself, stick to your own beliefs/ideals, don't be so easily swayed or persuaded by others. Now, that's not to say that you shouldn't have an open mind. Listen to others, hear them. But don't just accept what they say blindly, don't be in such a hurry to agree or fit in that you lose yourself. Essentially... "Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out!"
"Happiness or sorrow - whatever befalls you, walk on untouched, unattached."
This reminds me of "If..." again. "If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors both the same."
I can't believe how much of that poem matches up with Buddhist ideals. Rudyard Kipling and Buddha would've gotten along famously!
Be true to yourself, stick to your own beliefs/ideals, don't be so easily swayed or persuaded by others. Now, that's not to say that you shouldn't have an open mind. Listen to others, hear them. But don't just accept what they say blindly, don't be in such a hurry to agree or fit in that you lose yourself. Essentially... "Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out!"
"Happiness or sorrow - whatever befalls you, walk on untouched, unattached."
This reminds me of "If..." again. "If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors both the same."
I can't believe how much of that poem matches up with Buddhist ideals. Rudyard Kipling and Buddha would've gotten along famously!
Dhammapada: The Fool
"If a traveler cannot find master or friend to go with him, let him travel alone rather than with a fool for company."
I need to learn this. Sometimes I am so desperate not to be alone that I find myself with people I really shouldn't stay with. I want to be liked, I want to fit in, so I modify my own views to better match up with theirs. I don't stay true to myself. I let other people change me. (Not as much as my brother's let people change him, I don't think, but still...)
"The fool who knows he is a fool is that much wiser."
Good advice. Being wrong is one thing, but not being able to accept the possibility that you might be wrong... that just pisses me off.
"Do only what you will not regret and fill yourself with joy."
Another thing I need to learn. Too many times I do things without thinking or looking only to the short term. I end up regretting it later, but it seems okay at the time. I need to learn to avoid these choices.
"Whatever a fool learns, it only makes him duller. Knowledge cleaves his head. For then he wants recognition, a place before other people, a place over other people.
'Let them know my work, let everyone look to me for direction.' Such are his desires, such is his swelling of pride."
Yet more things for me to work on. I might learn, I might do really well. But I am not always as humble as I should be about it. I want recognition. I want people to think I am good. I want them to think that I am smart or wise. I want to be praised. It's really hard not to want that. I think it will take me a long time to purge that from my system.
I need to learn this. Sometimes I am so desperate not to be alone that I find myself with people I really shouldn't stay with. I want to be liked, I want to fit in, so I modify my own views to better match up with theirs. I don't stay true to myself. I let other people change me. (Not as much as my brother's let people change him, I don't think, but still...)
"The fool who knows he is a fool is that much wiser."
Good advice. Being wrong is one thing, but not being able to accept the possibility that you might be wrong... that just pisses me off.
"Do only what you will not regret and fill yourself with joy."
Another thing I need to learn. Too many times I do things without thinking or looking only to the short term. I end up regretting it later, but it seems okay at the time. I need to learn to avoid these choices.
"Whatever a fool learns, it only makes him duller. Knowledge cleaves his head. For then he wants recognition, a place before other people, a place over other people.
'Let them know my work, let everyone look to me for direction.' Such are his desires, such is his swelling of pride."
Yet more things for me to work on. I might learn, I might do really well. But I am not always as humble as I should be about it. I want recognition. I want people to think I am good. I want them to think that I am smart or wise. I want to be praised. It's really hard not to want that. I think it will take me a long time to purge that from my system.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Dhammapada: Flowers
Again, this one didn't speak to me as much as some of the others. It'll be another one that I'll have to come back to later. And... it's quite possible that this one will *never* speak to me. That's fine. Just because I like some of the stuff in the book doesn't mean I have to hang on every word, like every single passage. Of course I'm going to have favourites so, of course there will also be some that I don't like as well.
"Death overtakes the man who gathers flowers when with distracted mind and thirsty senses he searches vainly for happiness in the pleasures of the world. Death fetches him away as a flood carries off a sleeping village.
Death overcomes him when with distracted mind and thirsty senses he gathers flowers. He will never have his fill of the pleasures of the world."
This is just stating that basic goal of throwing off desire, but I like the way it's worded.
"Look to your own faults, what you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others."
This, I need to work on. I know I tend to be critical of others sometimes. I need to try not to focus on that so much. I'll work on it.
"Death overtakes the man who gathers flowers when with distracted mind and thirsty senses he searches vainly for happiness in the pleasures of the world. Death fetches him away as a flood carries off a sleeping village.
Death overcomes him when with distracted mind and thirsty senses he gathers flowers. He will never have his fill of the pleasures of the world."
This is just stating that basic goal of throwing off desire, but I like the way it's worded.
"Look to your own faults, what you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others."
This, I need to work on. I know I tend to be critical of others sometimes. I need to try not to focus on that so much. I'll work on it.
Dhammapada: Mind
"As the fletcher whittles and makes straight his arrows, so the master directs his straying thoughts.
Like a fish out of water, stranded on the shore, thoughts thrash and quiver. For how can they shake off desire?"
Good metaphors here. I really like this part. I can definitely relate to the idea of squirming, thrashing thoughts. I've often felt like I can't control what's going on inside my own head. Like my thoughts are clamoring, loud, noisy things. It's better now than it used to be. I don't tend to feel like I'm being overwhelmed by some vicious tide within my own head. But, I realize that my mind is still unruly. Especially when I try to meditate. I try to focus on one thing, and all these other ideas keep popping up, unbidden. It's hard to clear them out. And even when I do manage it, it's not long before they - or some other thing - come crashing back into my head.
Anyway, like I said, really good metaphor.
"Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own thoughts, unguarded."
This reminds me a bit of the last few lines of "If...". "If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you..."
Like a fish out of water, stranded on the shore, thoughts thrash and quiver. For how can they shake off desire?"
Good metaphors here. I really like this part. I can definitely relate to the idea of squirming, thrashing thoughts. I've often felt like I can't control what's going on inside my own head. Like my thoughts are clamoring, loud, noisy things. It's better now than it used to be. I don't tend to feel like I'm being overwhelmed by some vicious tide within my own head. But, I realize that my mind is still unruly. Especially when I try to meditate. I try to focus on one thing, and all these other ideas keep popping up, unbidden. It's hard to clear them out. And even when I do manage it, it's not long before they - or some other thing - come crashing back into my head.
Anyway, like I said, really good metaphor.
"Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own thoughts, unguarded."
This reminds me a bit of the last few lines of "If...". "If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you..."
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Dhammapada: Wakefulness
I couldn't find as much that I liked in the passage on Wakefulness. Perhaps I'll come back and try to read it again some other time. Maybe I'll get more out of it later.
"By watching and working the master makes himself an island which the flood cannot overwhelm."
Don't let your desires and emotions overwhelm you.
"The beggar who guards his mind and fears his own confusion cannot fall. He has found the way to peace."
Focus your mind.
"By watching and working the master makes himself an island which the flood cannot overwhelm."
Don't let your desires and emotions overwhelm you.
"The beggar who guards his mind and fears his own confusion cannot fall. He has found the way to peace."
Focus your mind.
Dhammapada: Choices
So, browsing Chapters the other day, I found this little pocket book. The Dhammapada: The Sayings of the Buddha. It was ten bucks and I had a little over four on a gift card... so, I figured, for five dollars and change, I can't really go wrong!
I haven't read too much yet. Just the first few pages. But it seems really good so far.
The first section, Choices, especially appeals to me:
"With our thoughts we make the world"
Perception is everything
"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act upon them? Are you a shepherd who counts another man's sheep, never sharing the way? Read as few words as you like and speak fewer. But act upon the law."
I especially like this passage. You see so many people following the rituals of their belief systems but ignoring the intent. Going to church every Sunday but not following Christian ethics or values. Berating, fighting, or killing people who don't believe as they do, but breaking the laws of their own religion by doing it. This passage really speaks to what I've always thought, always believed. Wonderful!
I haven't read too much yet. Just the first few pages. But it seems really good so far.
The first section, Choices, especially appeals to me:
"With our thoughts we make the world"
Perception is everything
"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act upon them? Are you a shepherd who counts another man's sheep, never sharing the way? Read as few words as you like and speak fewer. But act upon the law."
I especially like this passage. You see so many people following the rituals of their belief systems but ignoring the intent. Going to church every Sunday but not following Christian ethics or values. Berating, fighting, or killing people who don't believe as they do, but breaking the laws of their own religion by doing it. This passage really speaks to what I've always thought, always believed. Wonderful!
Buddhism
So my landlady got me started going to meditation classes at the local Buddhist centre. I wasn't too hot on the idea at first. I was mostly going so that I didn't insult her, not because I wanted to. But now... I've kinda gotten into it. I really like the classes. I feel like a lot of the stuff they talk about is very practical and applicable. I find that it actually does help me deal with day-to-day problems.
I'm beginning to discover that, not only do I like meditation, I like Buddhism. I think it's a really good philosophy. They've got a lot of good ideas. I mean, of course, some of the sects have developed some weird rules and rituals. But the core Buddhist beliefs? Those are gold.
At first I was just going for the meditation, but now I think that I'd like to learn more about the religion (or belief system, or whatever you want to call it) as well. Seems like they've got a pretty good thing going.
Anyway, I'm gonna take it slow. Just keep going to the meditation classes for now. I've done a bit of research on the Internet. I'll probably get myself a few books and read up on things it a bit more detail... I can go from there. Maybe over the summer I can do the Foundation Program at the centre or something... We'll see.
I'm beginning to discover that, not only do I like meditation, I like Buddhism. I think it's a really good philosophy. They've got a lot of good ideas. I mean, of course, some of the sects have developed some weird rules and rituals. But the core Buddhist beliefs? Those are gold.
At first I was just going for the meditation, but now I think that I'd like to learn more about the religion (or belief system, or whatever you want to call it) as well. Seems like they've got a pretty good thing going.
Anyway, I'm gonna take it slow. Just keep going to the meditation classes for now. I've done a bit of research on the Internet. I'll probably get myself a few books and read up on things it a bit more detail... I can go from there. Maybe over the summer I can do the Foundation Program at the centre or something... We'll see.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Please help!
I don't know how to cope. I used to cut myself when I felt like this. That was how I dealt with depression, with pain. I don't do that anymore, but now I don't know how to handle it. I try to focus on school and hang out with friends. Try to keep myself distracted, keep myself doing something fun or interesting. Try to laugh and smile. But it's always there in the background, tarnishing everything. And, as soon as I stop for a moment, I feel overwhelmed by it. I can't focus on my classes; it just hurts all the time. How do I make it stop? How do I make it go away?
Sad
I was actually doing better yesterday. I told people that I was feeling better today, but I'm not. I just feel sad and depressed.
I tried to get an appointment with my counselor but the nearest date was just over two weeks away. I took it anyway but by then I'm pretty sure I'll have dealt with this on my own. I wish that I could get in sooner. I wish that I didn't feel so sh*tty.
Yesterday I thought I was doing okay. Yesterday it seemed like I could handle all this. No problem! Now, I dunno...
I guess I was just numb before. Sure I cried a bit, but then we sat down and joked and watched TV and everything seemed okay. Packing up my stuff and leaving brought a few more tears, but it didn't hurt like this. Nothing like this.
Yesterday I could reason. And laugh. And joke. Now there's just pain. And a hollow feeling. And no matter what I do, how I try to distract myself, it's still there trough everything. My new, constant, ever-present companion.
I just want to forget. I wish that I didn't care. I wish that this didn't mean anything. I know that I'll come out the other side of this, just like anything else. But that doesn't mean that getting there won't hurt like hell. I just don't want to feel it. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to get hurt again, like I know I will. Like I always seem to do.
I keep running over it in my head; trying to think what I could have done differently, how I could have changed things. If I'd only done this or thought of that, maybe things would have turned out okay.
I can't do this. I can't keep doing this. I just want... something. I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't do anything about it. I hate how much it hurts.
I tried to get an appointment with my counselor but the nearest date was just over two weeks away. I took it anyway but by then I'm pretty sure I'll have dealt with this on my own. I wish that I could get in sooner. I wish that I didn't feel so sh*tty.
Yesterday I thought I was doing okay. Yesterday it seemed like I could handle all this. No problem! Now, I dunno...
I guess I was just numb before. Sure I cried a bit, but then we sat down and joked and watched TV and everything seemed okay. Packing up my stuff and leaving brought a few more tears, but it didn't hurt like this. Nothing like this.
Yesterday I could reason. And laugh. And joke. Now there's just pain. And a hollow feeling. And no matter what I do, how I try to distract myself, it's still there trough everything. My new, constant, ever-present companion.
I just want to forget. I wish that I didn't care. I wish that this didn't mean anything. I know that I'll come out the other side of this, just like anything else. But that doesn't mean that getting there won't hurt like hell. I just don't want to feel it. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to get hurt again, like I know I will. Like I always seem to do.
I keep running over it in my head; trying to think what I could have done differently, how I could have changed things. If I'd only done this or thought of that, maybe things would have turned out okay.
I can't do this. I can't keep doing this. I just want... something. I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't do anything about it. I hate how much it hurts.
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