Going Deaf?

So, I need to go get my hearing tested. Again.

Well... I guess, strictly speaking, I don't need to. But, seeing as I'm finding it almost impossible to communicate orally as of late, I think it's probably a good idea. I can't hear what people are saying to me half the time. Even in the best of conditions I have to ask the speaker to repeat themselves three or four times! If there's background noise or wind or they're facing away from me... forget it!

It's strange though... other sounds, I seem to be able to hear fine. I can hear music, noise, sound effects, etc. I just can't seem to decipher words. I'll catch a few here and there, but most of the conversation just sounds like mush. After a couple of repeats, when I'm too embarrassed or impatient to ask the person to repeat what they said (yet again!), I just guess at the words I missed and try to fill in the blanks. Sometimes I get it close and actually manage to form a meaningful response. More often, I'm completely off the mark and, I leave the speaker confused by my seemingly unrelated comment.

It's making things difficult for me at work. And I can only imagine what'll happen once I go back to school! So, for this, I am getting my ears tested. Unfortunately, it means waiting for ages at the walk-in clinic to see a doctor, who will then refer me to an audiologist, who I then fork out cash to to administer the test. And, if it's anything like last time, I'll just be told that my hearing is "below average" (worse in my left ear than my right) but that I shouldn't worry about it. Easier said than done though, right?

First of all, it's pretty hard not to worry about a problem that is preventing me from communicating with people! Second, how do I know that this isn't going to get worse? I'm pretty sure that my hearing is worse now than it was when I had the original test done four years ago. What if it keeps slipping? I mean, if I'm going deaf, okay, fine. But if it's possible to predict, if I can know in advance, prepare for it, than that would definitely be preferable. Then again... it could be nothing. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe my hearing really hasn't gotten any worse. But then, why am I having so much more trouble now? Maybe it's just something silly. Like earwax build-up. Maybe I just need to have my ears cleaned. That could explain it. That's probably what it is. And I'm just sitting here getting all worked up over nothing. Well... I guess we'll see, won't we.

If it isn't earwax, then I hope it's something that either gets better or worse.
I know, that sounds silly, right? But, what I mean is, I don't want it to stay the same. I either want it to get better, so I can hear normally again; or I want it to get worse, so I need a hearing aid or something. I hate being stuck in the middle! Bad enough that it impedes my conversations, that it's frustrating to me and people trying to talk to me, but good enough that no one will do anything about it. "Below average" but "nothing to worry about"!

Anyway, like I said, we'll see how it goes!