Martin

Shortly after I finished reading The Darien Gap, I sent an e-mail off to the publisher asking them to forward a letter on to the author for me. Just a bit of fan mail.

Now, I'm not normally one of these people who starts gushing over their favourite authors, trying to contact them, sending fan mail, etc. Then again, non-fiction writing is a whole different beast, isn't it? I mostly just wanted to let the author know that I enjoyed his book, thank him for sharing his experiences, and let him know that I appreciated his attitude towards travel.

I got a letter back from him the other day. I'm glad I wrote. He said that my letter really "picked up" his day.

I had briefly mentioned my own planned excursion into the Darien. (Much tamer than what he did, but exciting for me nonetheless.) He seemed genuinely interested and asked how and why we're going wants to know how our journey goes.
I think it'd be quite a lot of fun to write to him about our trip!

Anyway... I just wanted to mention that little bit of correspondence as it really picked up my day!

Alone, Alone

Why do I feel so alone? I don't even know what it is that I want. I just want to be close to someone. Not even necessarily romantically close. At least... not in the way I used to think I wanted, needed.

I feel like I have my thoughts and desires mostly sorted out now. Like my head is more-or-less clear. But I'm fairly certain that it'll get all bunged up again as soon as I'm back at school, back around people. I'd like to think that I won't. I'm going to try to stay clear-headed. But, if my past is any indication, I won't. Not for five minutes. Not even with all the resolve and insight and logic I can muster. I always fall into the same traps. As much as I know I should learn from them... As much as I tell myself that I have... As much as I come to understand my mistakes in hindsight... I still can't ever seem to avoid them completely. My brain takes a vacation and my kamikaze autopilot sends me towards disaster with anyone and everyone I meet.
Especially guys.
I'm a fool.

Fool. Sitting alone. Wishing. Waiting. Losing. All. I wish I could stop.

Worried Sick

That just about sums it up. I'm worried to the point where I feel sick to my stomach. I'm afraid. I'm tense. I'm terrified of what's going to happen next. And the only thing that I can do is try not to make it any worse. Whether I succeed or not is another question.

Reading Material

I need to find myself another good book. I mean, I have plenty of books. I shouldn't be looking for any more. But I don't think I have anything that quite matches up with my current craving. I have a full complement of fiction of various genres. I have quite a bit of non-fiction as well, though it tends to lean more towards the academic end of the scales. I've gathered together a few biographies over the years. Some I've read, others I've not. I have poetry. I have plays.
None of this seems to quite fit the bill though. I don't know what I want.

I picked up one of my many novels the other day, figuring on reading it. It's good. The plot is interesting. But I just can't get into it. I don't crave it like I should when I dive into a good book. It just feels too light and fluffy.

Maybe I'd find a good non-fiction more substantial... I have a feeling though, that I might get bored. A lot of the non-fiction that I have is pretty dry. Probably only about one step up from a textbook. Dawkins might be okay though... Maybe I should try "The Selfish Gene" on for size... I wouldn't mind looking at some more travelers' tales either. Something like "The Darien Gap" would be quite satisfactory. 'Though I'm worried that, after reading Mitchinson, I might be disappointed by other authors. I'd be willing to give it a shot though. I'd also like to look into getting a copy of "Loose Girl". I spotted that one in Chapters the other day and it really held my attention. At the very least, I'd like to take a closer look at it.

Alright, well, I guess that at least gives me an idea of what I should be looking for. Unfortunately two out of three ideas require me to purchase more books. I do have a copy of "The Selfish Gene" kicking around. I guess I could try reading that first... "Loose Girl" actually holds the most appeal for me at the moment though. I wish I had a copy of that book now! But I had to choose between "Loose Girl" and "The Darien Gap" and, really, it was hardly a choice. I had to get "The Darien Gap". How could I not? And it was an amazing book. Definitely no regrets. I just wish I could've gotten them both!

Ah well... I think I'll try to finish "The Book With No Name" for now. From there I can move on to "The Selfish Gene". Maybe by then I'll have gotten my hands on a copy of "Loose Girl".

Actually... It crosses my mind that my brother wanted me to read one of his favourite books. He's been bugging me to read it for ages. I guess it should get priority over some of the others. Who knows? Maybe it'll scratch that literary itch I've been feeling! So, I guess the new order will be: "The Book With No Name" -> "Lord of Snow and Shadows" -> "The Selfish Gene" -> "Loose Girl".

Then again... Nothing ever works out as planned, does it?

Vacation!

I can't believe it; I'm going to get to see the Darien! How cool is that? I'm thrilled! I'm so excited. I can't believe that this is actually happening! Amazing!

Here I've been, sitting, reading, thinking, dreaming about how much I'd like to visit the Darien. Promising myself that I'd get there "some day". Figuring that "some day" won't come along for another three or four years, at least. But that's okay, I tell myself, as long as I get there. I don't mind waiting. Well... come to think of it, I do but, what can you do? I didn't think it would be possible to get there any sooner so, I had to be content with waiting. But now...

Now, my parents are saying that we're all gonna go. Together.

Words can't even express how happy I am! "Ecstatic" doesn't even begin to cover it.

I mean, I was willing to go by myself. Just me and my backpack ambling around the jungle. But, of course, how much better will this trip be if I can share it with people who'll really appreciate the area? Fantastic!

I can see us now... Trekking through the jungle. Taking pictures. Identifying wildlife. Camping out. What a trip! I can't wait!

So, here's the scoop:
Looks like we're gonna be heading to Playa de Muerto. (I wrote about it once before here.) Tiny, little, isolated, Embera village on the Pacific coast of the Darien. The town consists of 225 Embera with the occasional group of tourists stopping through on a cruise. You've got the beach in front and the Sapo (Toad) mountains behind. There's a camp ground where you can rent a hammock for $3/night. Or, if you'd like something a little more plush, you can get a bed at the local hotel for $8/night ($12 if you want lobster for dinner). There's a restaurant in town that serves two meals a day at $2/plate. Most of the locals do crafts of some sort which they sell to tourists whenever they happen by. There's a little, one-room schoolhouse where all the kids learn Spanish, among other things of course! Most folks in town speak Spanish (quite fluently from what I understand) but it's their second language. As of 2005/2006, the town has running water and indoor plumbing (at the school). There are no roads. You get there either by foot or by boat.

I know some folks would be turned off by this description. But, to me, (and to my parents too, thankfully) it sounds absolutely wonderful!

I love the fact that it's out of the way, off the beaten track. There are no roads, no phones, no computers, no Internet. Cell phone signals are unheard of. There is a police station and the officers do carry satellite phones, in case of emergency, but that's it! The nearest payphone is a two-day hike to the next town along an old cattle trail.

I can't believe that we're actually going to do this! We're going to Playa de Muerto! And, better yet, we're hiking!

I was taken with the idea of hiking the trail from Garachine to Playa de Muerto when I first read about it but, I though that maybe I was being impractical again. I mean, it'd be great to do and maybe I would if I was going on my own but, I didn't think I should ask my parents to make the trek.
I should've known better! Of course they're up for it! They spent three days riding through the Blue Mountains, with rain and leeches and all manner of things, and they had a ball! Of course a little hike isn't going to scare them off!
I think I'm looking forward to that walk as much as I am the whole rest of the vacation! What an amazing experience that'll be!

I hope I can get a chance to see Raul too. I mean, to come that far and be that close and not see him, well, it would seem a crime. So, I'll do my best. Even if he meets us at the airport or something and we just chat for an hour or so before we move on to the next leg of our journey. I'd like that.

This semester can't pass fast enough! Just another four and a half months and I'll be in Panama again! (I just have to make sure I actually pass.) I don't care if I get stellar marks. I just need to get through. I mean, of course I want to do well but I think that part of my previous problem was that I tried too hard, focused too much on the details, and then couldn't do everything to the standard I wanted so, fell behind. Once I fell behind I was lost. I got overwhelmed, didn't know where to start picking up the pieces again so, I just gave up, ran away. I know better now though. I'll do better this time. For the sake of my dream vacation, I'll do better.

The Darién Gap

So I found yet another great book! I really don't need any more books. I only just finished the two I was reading this past week. Now, all of the sudden, I have two more to read. Not the mention the other 90-odd books I already had on my reading list! But, once I saw this book, I knew I couldn't leave the store without it. I mean... how often do you see a book with the words "Darien Gap" in the title?
I'll tell you this, it's the first one I've ever seen!

You know, I tried to find books on Panama before my visit in March. I couldn't find a single one. On Belize and Costa Rica, there were plenty. Honduras even had its fair share. But Panama? None. The best I could come up with was a travel guide for Central America. I think that book had a grand total of seven pages dedicated to Panama! Maybe eight if you count the map. Unbelievable! How is it that there's not a single book on what is likely the safest, richest, and (considering the Canal) most important country in Central America?

Well, I'd finally accepted the fact that any information I wanted on Panama would have to come to me through the Internet since no one seemed intent on putting the information between the covers of a book... Then, as I'm making my way through Chapters, what do I spy? A book entitled "The Darien Gap". Now this required a closer look!

After searching in vain for a book on Panama, now, all of the sudden, I come across a book dedicated to a single province! And by a Canadian author no less! Incredible!

Anyway, I only just started reading it, but it seems pretty good so far. The main body of the book is essentially a catalogue of the author's personal experiences in the area but, it also goes into the history of the area. Not just politically and demographically but geologically as well. Aside from that, he disperses traditional stories from Emberá and Wounan mythologies throughout his narrative. I have to say, I'm thoroughly enjoying the read so far.

I was concerned at first that I was picking up the chronicles of a pretentious adventure-seeker. One of those intrepid but ignorant fools that dive into some unknown region simply because they're told they shouldn't. Danger-seekers. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a little excitement. I'm all for living and experiencing life. But that doesn't mean that I want to go around being willfully reckless. So, I must say, I was pleasantly surprised when I found this guy to be pretty down to Earth. He traveled in a dangerous area, but he didn't go out actively seeking the danger. His motivation was seeing the land and meeting the people, learning about culture and nature, not thrill-seeking. I like that.

Anyway... Enough of my babbling! I'm going to read some more!

Lap of Luxury

I worry about where we're headed as a race sometimes...

I watched a commercial today. It was for a vehicle of some sort. A minivan, I think. They were advertising all its great features, showing how much fun a family would have in this van. And, I have to admit, I came away from it a little scared.
What they seemed to focus on was the TV screens in the cabin. The fact that your kids could watch movies or play video games while you chauffeur them around. Because... you know... Heaven forbid your little angels be required to amuse themselves on the way to Tae Kwon Do class! And, of course, God knows you couldn't possibly expect them to survive without their precious video games or their favourite TV shows for a few minutes!

TV seems to rule our lives. We make our schedules around our favourite shows. Or we get Tevo to catch them for us. Now, it's not enough to simply have a TV in the living room or rec room. We have TVs in our kitchens, in our bedrooms, in our bathrooms! For Heaven's sake! And, apparently, even that is no longer sufficient. Television is now a standard feature in our vehicles. We've become incapable of even going camping without our idiot boxes!

How many times have I seen Canadian Tire advertising their "camp" gear? When you have a hot shower, complete with shower radio; television; video games; cell phones and chargers; mattresses; heaters; and personal air conditioners... it ceases to be camping. What's the point of going to a rough, unfurnished campground if you're going to bring all the furnishings with you and smooth out all the roughness? You might as well just check in to a hotel!

To me, the whole point of camping is to get away from all the luxuries we surround ourselves with on a daily basis. They advertise how all their fancy gear makes camping feel just like home. Well... if it feels just like home, what the Hell's the point?! I guess I might as well just stay home then!

When did we get so soft? When did we curl up in the lap of luxury and start refusing to leave? When did we become incapable of stepping outside (or sitting, or eating, or existing, for that matter) without being surrounded by a full complement of comforts and entertainment devices? I would say that it borders on ridiculous but... I think that that line was likely crossed long ago.