Picking Up the Pieces

Well... Now that I've made a royal mess of things, it's time to start trying to get my life in order.

I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go back to school or not. I was contemplating contingency plans, in case I couldn't finish my degree.
I got back in, thank goodness!
I just got a letter from the university, saying that I will be allowed to finish my degree come fall. I'll have to keep my marks up, of course, but at least I don't have to start over. At least I have something to go on.
I'm actually fairly excited (if somewhat terrified) at the prospect of going back to school.
I'm really going to have to buckle down. No fooling around. No getting off-track, falling behind. I have to prove myself.
It's a relief to at least know that I'm accepted though. That's one worry off my mind. Now I just need to get residence and tuition fees sorted out. I want a private room this time. And I need to apply to OSAP, see if I can get some assistance with my fees.

I should write to Ciaran too.

Tough Week

Tough week might be a bit of an understatement. It's been a tough year. A lot of it's been self-induced. Unfortunately. Not purposely, of course. But I have made some really bad judgement calls. So, as far as I'm concerned, that's self-induced.
I guess it started with panic. I got overwhelmed at shcool. I fell behind. My marks dropped. I was put on academic probation. I tried to go in for help. I tried to get counseling, to help me cope with the stress. The depression. I didn't want to tell my parents I was struggling. I didn't want them to know. But, I couldn't go back to school either. I felt trapped. I panicked! I ran away.
I went to Dublin.
I should've told my parents what was going on. I should've let them help me. But I didn't.
Bad judgement call #1.

I fell in love in Dublin. I got engaged.

My marriage fell through before it even started.
He's a great guy; caring, funny, compassionate, easy-going, interesting... but, we were out for different things. We couldn't reconcile our plans. If we could have just lived on our love, we might have been okay. But, someone needs to pay the bills. Someone needs to run the household. Being good friends isn't necessarily enough. Love... isn't necessarily enough.
I had to break it off.
I feel shitty about it. I know he would have moved oceans for me. I know he loved me. I know he was doing his best. But it just wasn't working. I know he was having a rough time. Still is. I feel like I'm kicking him when he's down. But, I don't know what else I could have done. We've talked, we've discussed, we've made compromises, we've changed approaches. We're still not happy. I held on for as long as I could. But, it was time to let go. It still smarts though.
Logically, I think I made the right choice but my heart still isn't sure. My head knows, but my heart doesn't see it.
I want for him to be okay. I want for him to be happy. But I couldn't keep lying to myself.
Now I just need some time to nurse the wound. We both do.

Internet Explorer: The Bane of My Existence

Well... that pretty much sums it up. That damn browser is anathema to me. It manages to find an excuse to crash on me at least once a day. (And that's not even when I'm doing something particularly taxing!) I am so unbelievably tired of seeing that lovely little box asking if I would like to send an error report to the bastards at Microsoft! What I want is to be able to browse the web for more than 20 minutes at a time without my infernal browser closing up shop!

Normally this wouldn't be an issue, as I usually try to use Firefox. However, I'm using a borrowed computer at the moment so... installing another web browser is not an option right now. I'm stuck mucking around with (and cursing at) Explorer. ::sigh::

If at first you don't succeed...

So, after being sorely disappointed by Wetpaint Wikis (and LiveJournal and a few others), I've decided to give this another shot. The idea is to have a blog or site or some sort of sounding board outside my small circle of friends. It doesn't necessarily have to be anonymous (though that can be quite entertaining at times), but it needs to be somewhere where I can come and talk/write to "no one in particular". I feel like I have too much of an audience if I write to a blog on Bebo or Facebook or somesuch.

I had given up on finding such a place. But, after a friend directed me to his blog here, I decided to give it a shot. We'll see how it goes.